Forcing what's needed

I find it uncanny that what we discussed at home group last night was put to the test today. We talked about busyness in the American family today....being always on the run, always cleaning, always volunteering, always carpooling. Most families don't sit long enough to rest, much less get to know each other and spend true quality time with one another.

I don't find it a coincidence that my life was 90mph since Monday morning (cleaning, running errands ALL day long except for G's nap times), then was brought suddenly to a halt last night. I received a call while at our home group from Mom....Gardner had a temperature of 101.

What followed was an entire 1-1/2 hours of Ken proceeding with leading the lesson, and me trying as hard as I could but not able to concentrate one bit. My mind was elsewhere....my son was sick! (You have to understand, this is only Gardner's second fever in his entire 13 months on this planet...I was freaking out.)

Yet today as I took him to the doctor and then brought him back home to rest, I began to think of all of the items on my to-do list that wouldn't be crossed off. Oh, man. Then it hit me. What does all of that matter? The realization of my selfishness washed over me then like a nauseating wave. The world doens't revolve around me....nor my schedule. Who am I to think that one day of me letting go of my tasks will make our house/world/marriage/social sphere fall completely to pieces? That is egocentricity at its finest.

This period of rest, of solitude, of rejuvination is necessary. It is long overdue. It is humbling for me to admit that this is what finally caused me to slow down. I pray that it doesn't take Gardner becoming ill to make me smell the roses from here on out. Talk about getting shaken up and turned upside down. Some of my life's lessons are definitely learned the hard way.

So, I have taken this and made it positive. I have promised Gardner we'll make a mini-vacation out of it. If we look forward to staying in all day and make it fun, special, and memorable, it won't seem like such drudgery (even to the sick one!).

Oh, the lessons you learn in life....the lessons you learn as a mother. I would say "I could write a book" just from this first year alone...but that would be silly. Even with 8,043 pages written down of what God has shown me in 13 months, the book would not even be skimming the surface of what's to come, I'm sure of it. God keeps teaching me, refining me, letting my impurities be burned off. There are chapters and chapters and VOLUMES left to be penned.

How do you need to slow down today?

The words of Paul in Romans 7:14-25 (from "The Message"):
14I can anticipate the response that is coming: "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself--after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. 15What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. 16So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

17But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! 18I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. 19I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. 20My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

21It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. 22I truly delight in God's commands, 23but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

24I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

25The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

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