Simple, but sweet....
Every day I go over in my head the reasons why I decided to become a stay-at-home mom...instead of working or, what my true passion was 1-1/2 years ago, to pursue a graduate degree in psychological counseling. There are days when my decision is firm and unwavering....this is my calling, I wouldn't be satisfied doing anything else. And other days when I lose my purpose, pity myself, and become envious of others who appear more powerful or influential (or better off in the pocketbook).
I used to feel incredibly guilty over this conflict that battles within me, yet I know now from talking to other women in my situation that it is something with which every young mother struggles at some point. Still, I am trying to get away from being one who justifies and makes excuses for faults in my personality and character, and so I will not try to do that in this area of my life more than any other.
There is one remedy that reminds me see how the choice I made is the right choice for me....when Gardner smiles at me. I can't stay frustrated, angry, worried, or depressed for long when he gazes up at me with those innocent eyes as if he knows the difficult choice I made for his sake. I gather him close to my chest and hug him unmercifully (as moms do)....and thank God for the little guy yet again.
Ken brought me flowers this week....a spectacular bouquet of pink and lilac flowers, some of my favorites. We sit and stared at the display in the flower vase as we enjoy a leisurely Italian meal together here at home....blinds shut tightly to keep out the reminders of how bitterly cold it is outside.
And then we find ourselves sprawled out on the floor of Gardner's nursery, him laying on a quilt surrounded by toys....us clapping when he rolls over from tummy to back for the second time ever. His chipper little laughter as we cut up with him and make his toys talk noisily and goofily....the cats weaving in and out between us as if to remind us that they're still fun to be around, too! I look over and smile at Ken, the love of my life, and realize that there's nothing I'd rather be doing than lazily laying around our house on a weekday evening....no finer pleasures or entertainment-driven novelties lie outside of our doors that would entice me more than this.
Thank You, God, for the simple pleasures of life. It's these things that we will remember when we're old and shriveled....these memories are etched in stone. And thank You for letting me finally slow down and listen to Your calling to me to be just a mommy for a while. Though You eventually had to shout, I thank You that You opened my stubborn ears and allowed me to hear and follow.
I used to feel incredibly guilty over this conflict that battles within me, yet I know now from talking to other women in my situation that it is something with which every young mother struggles at some point. Still, I am trying to get away from being one who justifies and makes excuses for faults in my personality and character, and so I will not try to do that in this area of my life more than any other.
There is one remedy that reminds me see how the choice I made is the right choice for me....when Gardner smiles at me. I can't stay frustrated, angry, worried, or depressed for long when he gazes up at me with those innocent eyes as if he knows the difficult choice I made for his sake. I gather him close to my chest and hug him unmercifully (as moms do)....and thank God for the little guy yet again.
Ken brought me flowers this week....a spectacular bouquet of pink and lilac flowers, some of my favorites. We sit and stared at the display in the flower vase as we enjoy a leisurely Italian meal together here at home....blinds shut tightly to keep out the reminders of how bitterly cold it is outside.
And then we find ourselves sprawled out on the floor of Gardner's nursery, him laying on a quilt surrounded by toys....us clapping when he rolls over from tummy to back for the second time ever. His chipper little laughter as we cut up with him and make his toys talk noisily and goofily....the cats weaving in and out between us as if to remind us that they're still fun to be around, too! I look over and smile at Ken, the love of my life, and realize that there's nothing I'd rather be doing than lazily laying around our house on a weekday evening....no finer pleasures or entertainment-driven novelties lie outside of our doors that would entice me more than this.
Thank You, God, for the simple pleasures of life. It's these things that we will remember when we're old and shriveled....these memories are etched in stone. And thank You for letting me finally slow down and listen to Your calling to me to be just a mommy for a while. Though You eventually had to shout, I thank You that You opened my stubborn ears and allowed me to hear and follow.
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