Random Muses of Megret

Today was....I fully believe.....the most difficult day of my life until this point. Mom and Dad made the tough decision to have our little Ariel put to sleep, nearly 16 years old....a very long, full life she lived. I found myself at the vet's office with Ken at 3:30 this afternoon. As we drove there, I sat in the backseat and held her hand. I brushed the hair out of her little, sleeping eyes and told her over and over that I loved her. As we sat in the waiting room once at the vet's office, I stroked her little head and kissed her snout....one last time. He held her in his arms, wearing her favorite navy sweater and wrapped up in her favorite blanket. She slept peacefully, unaware of the world around her. I was able to be with her through the entire process.....I stood right beside her as her little life slipped away. My heart broke in two, but I had to remind myself that she wasn't hurting anymore. She was not miserable anymore. She was full of peace. She lived 16 vibra...

The toughest part of having pets and loving them is having to let them go. My childhood dog, Ariel, has an appointment to get put to sleep this afternoon. After two weeks of watching, praying, and hoping that she'd either miraculously grow younger (you hope for things like that, although you know it's impossible) or peacefully die in her sleep, silently and quietly, we've come to realize that neither of those things are going to happen for her. She has grown steadily worse over the past two or three days, and so Mom finally made the decision earlier today to let her misery end. This is the longest I've ever had a pet in my whole life. Tears won't quit falling, and my heart is breaking in two. I will miss her.

One of the quirks (well, obsessions, really) that I have is that I simply adore weather. I like the experience of weather (especially the excitement of a thunderstorm or very windy day in March), but I particularly like the study of weather. I know where I get this from.....my mom. I honestly do not know what she did before the Weather Channel came into being. (I do know; she would plan her entire day around having the news on at 6:20 pm in time for our local forecast.) Mom watches the weather as religiously as some other women watch soaps. I can always call her if I haven't looked at the forecast in a while and need to plan what to wear that day. She will tell me the highs, lows, and probability of rain showers. I can remember, while still living at home, many a day before forecasted snow where she and I would leave the WC on all day long, glued to it like it was the olympics or something. One subtle change in the forecast couldn't be missed. I am intrigued by the scie...

" So humble yourselves before God. Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, you hypocrites. Let there be tears for the wrong things you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. When you bow down before the Lord and admit your dependence on him, he will lift you up and give you honor." (James 4:7-10, NLT) I have had the most excellent weekend. I am much refreshed and renewed for the week ahead. Many things weighed me down last week, to the point where I could barely stand up. I have felt the cool waters of refreshment for the past two days, though, and I see a place again for hope and restoration. God is still working hard on me. Funny how we find ourselves sinking into a self-dug pit when we have, for a very long time, been walking on tall mountain peaks. Maybe those mountains were a little bit to...

"He trained us first, passed us like silver through refining fires, brought us into hardscrabble country, pushed us to our very limit, road-tested us inside and out, took us to hell and back; finally He brought us to this well-watered place." (Psalm 66:10, MSG) I have a sterling silver necklace that I love. I don't wear it too often (babies tend to pull on necklaces and break them!), but I do love to adorn it on special occasions. Whenever I pull it out of my vanity drawer, however, I am always grumbling. Just in a couple of months' time of hiding, its finish has become lackluster and tarnished. I rush off to attempt to find my polishing cloth and fix it. Within seconds of rubbing the "magic" cloth over its tired surface, the silver begins to come to life again. Within five minutes, it is gleaming, like new and as if it'd never been worn. How does the silver get tarnished? Part of it is because something about silver reacts to the air. Naturally, over ti...

I am writing this in honor of Lee and Shua , both of whom have recently taken residence in a brand-spanking new house (well, to them it's new!). Lee has entered the thrill that comes with such a grandiose sense of ownership. And, so, I give you the greatest (and worst) things about home ownership. * (*And might I add here that I believe that I am credible enough to voice these ideas....Ken and I are currently living in our third purchased home in five years of marriage....yikes!....all due to job transfers. We are well-acquainted with the process, to say the least.) 1. House hunting is the most confusing task on the face of the planet. You start out early in the morning all organized, with a digital camera, pro-con chart, and notepad in hand. By the end of a full day with your realtor of choice, you are drooling incessantly and babbling like an idiot. You vaguely recall what county in which you were house hunting, but all other details have left the building. 2. Caution: Rooms w...

Currently on my desk (i.e., books I'm currently reading): - The gospel of John (STILL finding new things in here!) - White House Nannies (true chronicles of "the OTHER department of homeland security") - The Stay At Home Mom (highly, highly, highly recommend this to those of you who are one or who are contemplating becoming one) - Giada De Laurentiis' Everyday Italian Currently on my list of books to read: - Three by Ted Dekker - Bringing Up Boys (I started it before Gardner was born, but need to finish it) - The Mission of Motherhood - The Village Baker (if I can ever find it at a decent price!) Things I'd like to accomplish during the month of September: - Start on my autobiography (nope, I still haven't started yet) - Finish our family photo album for the year 2004 (I'm way behind) - Learn how to make pate a choux What are YOU reading???

Recently, Ken and I have been convicted of not being 100% above reproach in all areas of our lives. It wasn't that we had failed to confess a "big" sin from years back.....or one in which we were currently dealing with. It was the little things. (And, by the way, I am just going to be entirely transparent today....just so you know. No holding back.) As a kid, I remember hearing the phrase "little white lies." What was that, I wondered? Little meant "not big," and white meant "the opposite of black," which in my mind, meant "not nearly as bad as 'real' lies." Yet Mom and Dad began to show me that the little half-lies that I told them was just as wrong in God's eyes as other things people do to disappoint Him. God sees all sin as what it is....sin. There are no gradients, no gray areas. It's sin. Period. I think what it truly boils down to is that most of us (myself included) like make light of things we do by what we...

So, I promised I'd tell you the Skittles story. I have told this story many times, and it keeps getting funnier to the people who hear it. Mom and Dad bought me a blue Siamese fighting fish when I was nine years old. I was thrilled; this was my first actual fish pet sans the goldfish I'd won at the age of five at the state fair (which, by the way, died five days later, leading to Dad's first talk to me about the reality of death). (I named him Skittles after my favorite candy of all time, just to clarify.) We traveled quite a bit back and forth from where were stationed at Fort Polk, Louisiana to my grandparents' house in South Carolina, about a 16-hour drive each way. On one particular occasion (Thanksgiving, I'm fairly sure), Mom and Dad told me I could bring Skittles along. Not sure why....perhaps they thought he'd keep me entertained in the backseat so I wouldn't ask so many questions!! Ha! I packed him up in his little bowl (forcing him to leave his spa...

I used to laugh whenever I heard of people who hired personal shoppers. Now that I'm a mom, I think it might be a pretty wise idea sometimes. Not that I would ever actually hire one for myself (I'm not that "caliber," I don't think), but I can see why it'd be so easy to do so. I used to work at Uptons, back in the mid-90s. Besides working part-time at a restaurant, Uptons was my first "real" job. I learned about professional attire, attitude, and aptitude. It launched me into the real, hard-core chaos of retail and all that it involves. Let me just say....looking at it from the sales clerk point of view is vastly different from when you are a shopper yourself. You have a birds-eye view into the weird, wild, and bizarre behaviors of those who are on a mission....as well as those who are rich, bored, and just go to stores to wander around and purchase items which they will then add to their absurdly growing collection of miscellaneous "stu...

Ken and I had been married for less than a month. "Can we have a pet? Puuuhhlllleeease?" I am not one for whining (well, it depends on what it is about), but this time I went into full-whine mode. I had been living with pets all my life, and now I was expected to come home to an empty house every night, no padded paws running to greet me at the door? Uh-uh. I slowly wore Ken down like an expensive leather shoe. He had his doubts, but he saw how radiant I became whenever I talked about a pet. I imagine he was probably just relieved I didn't get radiant like that when I talked about babies. After all, we were newlyweds. We'd said that we wanted to wait a few years to have children. A pet, therefore, didn't seem all that bad in this light. I brought home a newly-spayed kitten, drunk and sleepy, five months after our wedding day. Odyssey, we named her, and odd she was. She was the most insanely hyper cat I'd ever been around. She would tear back and fort...

UPDATE on Ariel: Mom told me today that she awoke this morning to see Ariel up and walking around in her pen. Hobbling, yes, but up on all four legs. She is still very old and probably uncomfortable, but Mom shared with me that she feels it is her duty to make her as comfortable as she possibly can during these remaining days of her life. There is still a spark of life in her, and none of us can see why that should be snuffed out until there is a more obvious reason before us. Alright....on a lighter note...... I wanted to share with you all how far back the love of animals goes for me. I have always had an animal in my family. Since before I was born. Mom and Dad, in their tiny one-bedroom apartment, had Caesar Augustus, the blue parakeet. Parakeets were all we had until Mom noticed I began to fear four-legged furry creatures. Determined to stop that in its tracks, she surprised me one day (I was in first grade) with a ball of grey fluff, a kitten named Kelly. From that mome...

This is a solemn day. It is the day in which Mom, Dad, and I began to fully realize that our Ariel's life is slowly coming to a close. Let me begin at the beginning. In January of 1990, Dad was forced to leave Mom, Emily (Emmie) and I to serve a 18-month solitary military tour in Ft. Clayton, Panama. We all moved to here to be near Mom's sister here in town and her parents nearby. The adjustment was difficult. Enter into our lives: A new, fuzzy-headed puppy....a ball of pure fluff, really. Ariel. Emmie named her after "The Little Mermaid." She brought joy where there was sadness and loneliness. Benji-like in breed and coloring, she was the perfect dog for kids. Emmie and I played endlessly with her. Emmie built sand castles in the sandbox; Ariel playfully smushed them down. I even taught her how to "jump rope," and she would run rubber balls around the yard like a championship soccer player. She ate snow, running nose-first all through the powdery white mass...

I just can't be spontaneous. I've tried. I've really tried. I tried so hard to be spontaneous for Ken last night. Now, let me clarify that I can be spontaneous about some things....such as when someone suggests, "Let's go get some ice cream," or "Let's go for a quick walk." But when it comes to things more permanent, well.... Let's just say that you'd think I was making a decision as big as how many children to have, as long and involved as my decision-making process suddenly becomes. Case in point. Last night, Ken surprised me with the statement, "Pick out something. Anything. Well, under $50. (You know how it is, ladies. If there isn't a price cap, we both know we'll run straight for the diamonds.) I want to treat you to something." He drove me to the nearest mall and we began my search. An hour and half later, we exited the mall, me empty-handed and Ken holding a bag with a new pair of jeans....for HIM. It's to...

Tonight, Ken's taking me out on a date. This is meaningful because our dates are so much more cherished now than they used to be. When we went out to eat years ago, it was just going out to eat. Now, it's a big deal. Finding a sitter, choosing a night amid our crazy schedule....it's a real challenge. Yet it is necessary, and so very vital to our marriage and even Gardner's upbringing. Let me just say that I can still remember dating in the true "dating" sense. I am not that old; it was only 9 years ago that I was there! (Well, with it spelled out, wow. That is a long time. Anyhoo....) I remember so many things about dating, especially a first date. I thought it'd be fun to put together all of the things I don't miss about first dates....but that make all of us laugh (sometimes bitterly) when we face the reality of all of these awkward things. (C'mon. We've all been here.) -- You must change clothes at least four times just to find the right out...

Ken and I have been purposefully creative this week. It's amazing what you can accomplish if you just turn off the television, cut on the jazz, and focus on the talents God gives you. Ken designed the invitations in Photoshop for Gardner's first birthday party....you can view a snapshot of it here . I have felt compelled to start a new blog (yes, another one!!)....this one an actual journal of sorts, geared towards stay-at-home-moms (or any mom, for that matter). In it I will share my own daily experiences with motherhood....the things I learn, the challenges I face, the joys I feel. I can't wait. Drop in, ladies.... Penned from the Homefront .

So, I was glued to the television yesterday afternoon as discussions were going on as to whether or not to attempt re-entry of the space shuttle Discovery. At the gym this morning, I saw confirmation that they were indeed given clearance for landing in California. I rushed home in time to see the shuttle attempt to come back into the earth's atmosphere, a tense, unnerving moment for everyone. I sighed with everyone else, no doubt, when the shuttle landed safely, promptly at 8:11 am. Silent prayers whispered, fingers crossed for this shuttle and its occupants on board. I remember all too well what it looks like when things do NOT go as planned. Ken and I were laying in bed eating cereal in 2003 when the Columbia shuttle disappeared from the screen right before our very eyes. It sent be soaring back to the moment when I saw the Challenger come apart in pieces, a cold day in 1986. I was out of school sick, and sat in the den with my mom, her friend and baby, and my new baby sister as ...

I am writing to voice my intense frustration at what I saw at the end of your driveway today. Driving home, air conditioner blasting because of the humid stickiness outside, I glanced over to see a cage at the end of your driveway. I squinted in the sunlight to see if I could tell what was inside. Was it.....oh, no. Oh, NO. Yes, I noticed that you placed three pekingese puppies in said cage and stuck it practically into traffic on a busy thoroughfare at lunch hour. PUPPIES!! One slip, one false move of a driver who is smoking, talking on a cell phone, or reading a map might send their tires onto the curb, their fender flying straight toward those helpless little puffs of fur. Their eyes looked over at me as I passed....they literally looked scared for their little lives. The scratchily-written sign propped up beside their cage penned, "Pekingese puppies for sale," followed by tiny, illegible writing. What THIS means is that passersby will attempt to read such small w...

I was so exhausted from a busy (but) fun weekend that I went to bed at 9:45 last night. I had just spent every ounce of energy that I had left, and I succombed to the demands of my mortal shell and hit the sack early. Friday morning, we went to the gym together. Oh, my. Let me just explain a couple of things. First, I have been doing extremely well (in my mind) of keeping up with my cardio exercise both during pregnancy AND afterwards. I walk a lot, and can Tae-Bo anybody around the room anytime, any day. But the second point I must share with you is that it has been well over a year since I lefted the dumbells. I trained myself Friday, simply because I am my own toughest trainer (I am military-like in how I push myself till my blood vessels pop out on my forehead). I put myself through a rigorous lower body routine, the effects of which are still hampering my ability to walk in a straight line. Ever worked out your calves so hard that you couldn't drive stick shift for a few days?...

I got my hair cut today. It was a decision I made yesterday, and I was sitting in the chair by 3:15 this afternoon. I let Missy razor and snip at the strands....I saw pieces falling to the floor. Uh, oh. I do this every summer. I get all hot and bothered when the temperatures rise and my long hair sticks to my neck. I get irrational and impulsive.....cut it all off! I end up with buyer's regret (or is it haircut regret?) later that evening....and the next morning as I just simply cannot make it look the way my stylist did. Then, suddenly, I love it. I really, really love it. So much I want to marry it. Oh, the complex ways of the woman's thought process. It scares even ME sometimes.

The two photos you see are of the same exact children's book (a Little Golden Book, to be specific). The one on the top is about 25 years old; it was mine since babyhood. The one on the bottom was purchased yesterday (Gardner bought it for his cousin). The same author, but different illustrators. Now, what exactly would cause a publisher to feel the need to find another illustrator while keeping the same author? If it is because the pictures look outdated, one could argue that the fashion in which the words are put together are also outdated and needed to be revamped. Look carefully at these two book covers. The pictures inside are the same stylistically as what you see here. In my opinion, this is an example of the "dumbing down" of yet another item intended for our children. The over-simplification of stories (and illustrations) is rampant in American education these days. Look again at the covers. The one of the left is full of incredible detail....beautiful ...intrica...

....Why didn't I find this site before I planned our wedding? I think Ken would've totally gone for that look.

Last week was a difficult one. I cannot explain our household except for the overall fact that there was a heaviness over Ken and I for about seven days straight. My attitude was different, my fuse shorter. Both of us had anxiety that we could not pinpoint. My sleep was disturbed...either by night panics of some kind (never happens to me), or by bad thoughts that flashed into my mind as I attempted to slip off to dreamland. Ken and I prayed over our household, our family time, our sleep. We felt that God heard our prayers and we felt His protection, yet the heaviness lingered. Yesterday, it became apparent why we were experiencing this. Perry , our pastor at New Spring , spoke for the first time in over a month. This was his return from his brush with death, a reality that hit home and that he was compelled to share with our audience. And what an audience....4,387 people walked through the doors of the church yesterday. I realized that spiritual oppression was at work when bizarre even...